Monday's Mindful Moments

During the past few days, I've been feeling anxious, grumpy and restricted like a prisoner trapped in a web.

We've been enrolled with the same program for five years. It's begun to change. The woman (teacher) with whom we signed on to be our guide and mentor has now retired and so begins the change.

I've had moments throughout the five years where I don't feel like I'm aligned with my own values about homeschooling, but I've been able to overcome them knowing that we had someone whom I felt truly supported us on our path. This past week I feel like I'm living a lie. I'm trying to be someone living a way that is following an agenda that I don't pick. I want to be with a program that honours my kids, all of their choices and validates everything and anything we/they choose to do.

Owen wanted to order this and this with his funding. Only problem is, they don't match up with any learning outcomes for grade four. Oh, but they could for grade five, just not in grade four. I haven't heard back from her since I wrote that I thought they could meet outcomes for: comprehending written instructions or directions; follows written instructions or charts or diagrams. It's just stupid because the outcomes are arbitrarily decided upon. Because of the outcomes, the making of these robots does not fall into his specific grade level, therefore they are deemed unworthy and not fundable. BLAH!

If my kids learn at home next year, then I'm going to go with the program which we only stayed in for week ( a year and a half ago ) because I was overwhelmed and it felt, at the time, like too much writing. I like writing so what was my problem? Change, that's what. I'm ready for the change this time because it is far more aligned with my beliefs.

I have to find a way to earn some money. My kids are still too young for us to take in a foster child and all of the potential issues. I'm waiting for a sign, some kind of sign to point me in a direction that will work for our family. A direction that has me earning money, the schedule doesn't affect everyone too much and my kids can continue to learn at home.

Today there are too many little things pecking away at my brain and I need to start seeing all the little things that aren't. Like my kids dancing and singing and playing. The sun shining all over the maple tree which thaws its frosty branches and then it looks like it's raining only under the tree.

No one should negotiate their dreams. Dreams must be free to fly high. No government, no legislature, has a right to limit your dreams. You should never agree to surrender your dreams. ~Jesse Jackson~