Joy

It's almost like it's a part of her. Peace, joy and contentment come easily to her; reside in her. On Monday, Mackenzie decided she'd go outside to put some suet in the feeder and hang all the millet sprays, that we never got around to hanging in the backyard.

After that, off she went to shovel the snow from our driveway and front door walkway. Our driveway can fit four cars, so it's a lot to shovel, but she enjoyed shoveling the snow all away and then smashing the ice and shoveling that away too. It took her over two hours. When she finished, she very much wanted to shovel the senior lady's driveway across the street, however she was unsure how to approach her. The lady had been out in her driveway and shoveled a little bit and then went back in her house and Mackenzie thought maybe her back was sore or she was too tired to finish the job.

Kenzie wanted to do the act without being paid; an act of kindness. She sorted it all out in her head, mustered up the courage and went over to ask the lady and of course she really appreciated the offer and said yes. Kenzie shoveled the entire driveway with some help from Owen.


My kids are radically different. They are my greatest and most profound teachers. They are all magnificent as is my life with them.

I have to make sure I observe, remember and savour the moments.

I have many to be grateful for in 2008.

Hanna's morning terror

Awake, alone, terrified
Was it real
Is it true
Heart racing,
pounding, breaking
Sobbing
Heaving

She needs her mom
I hold her
I reassure her
I listen to her
I console her
I love her
She cries
I cry

She needs her dad
He hugs her
He comforts her
He reassures her
He loves her
She cries
Sobs uncontrollably
I dreamed you died

She loves him

I cry

Monday's Mindful Moments

Nature versus Nurture has aways been a subject that floats in and out of my mind. As I observe my children and reflect back to their littleness, it's very clear that they are all different by virtue of their nature.

Challenging children: Do they develop their intensities while in utero? Does stress of the mother while pregnant play a role? If a fetus is already genetically made up of certain traits, do these traits then become exacerbated by the mother's environmental stress which ends up causing her (and the fetus) internal stress - "fight or flight"- increased levels of adrenaline? If so, I experienced most stress (in comparison to my other pregnancies) while growing, and in the first six months of nurturing, my first born.

One fourth of my children challenges me. Mitch has been a "more" child since he was two. The other three kids are not of that ilk. Although he has grown out of many of these traits, I write this list to remember and provide clarity of thought.

Some of his traits (written with permission):

• extreme hyperfocusing
• unrelenting/negotiates to excess
• sensitivity to clothing
• easily overstimulated
• heightened awareness visually and auditorally
• needs instruction clearly and concisely written or spoken
• takes over an hour or two to fall asleep
• fine motor skills challenged
• obsessed over scary things; not fear motivated when older
• social appropriateness is not intuitive or innate; skills need to be taught
• unable to have understanding of others' feelings, if it's not what he would feel
• impulsive
• emulates
• enuresis until eleven
• blank, unblinking (buzzed) look when overstimulated
• needed to know what was expected for the day
• full-on crisis mode when a specific thing could not be found
• horrible day if not enough food or sleep
• routine, routine, routine or disaster
• disaster if he could not put together or build - fine motor

I've listed twenty traits here and that's not all of them. I took him to the doctor last year and after a twenty minute visit we left with diagnosis of ADHD. I was annoyed to say the least. I believe him to be in the shadows of high functioning Aspergers. After some time had passed I decided I didn't want him diagnosed. Why? because I'm not a believer in labels, I think they can be a blessing and a curse. Although he has overcome MANY of the aforementioned traits some became more intense with puberty. Such as, the following of instructions like - how to effectively use toilet paper and flush without flooding the house - which took about two years of instruction and yelling.

Last summer was the hardest emotional time I have ever experienced with my son. A lot of it had to do with his hyperfocusing on rap music and gangsters. (Sorry Naomi Aldort, I disagree with you! I don't think all kids can learn to self-regulate, maybe for the average person, but we're all individual with individual genetic material and some kids are excessive and without limits.) He was into gangsters and rappers for two years, even though he told me it would be like anything else he's been interested in; he'd eventually move on. I still felt as though I knew him, he hyperfocuses, he emulates....where would it lead? It led to friends of an unsavory nature living in neglected homes with neglectful people. It led to trouble.

He is a resourceful, bright, interesting and a magnificent boy, with a free and wild spirit. He has been a challenge to parent and has caused a lot of emotional trauma to all of us. His siblings have cried many tears over their concerns for him and because of traits inflicted upon them. There was a shift at seven years and things were easier, then a shift at twelve and things got harder, now a shift at fourteen and a half and things are calmer.

If I was to graph his list of traits and compare those same traits, in my very small control group of four children, the results would show: Mitch 20; Mackenzie 2; Hanna 4 and Owen 3. If I did the math, my younger three show results that are very closely related (average) and Mitch is the outlier. He didn't and still doesn't get parented as freely and loosly as my other kids because he is unable to realize/recognize his limits. He's way better at it now, but he had no idea how to cope when he was younger. I had to observe him closely to determine the flow of his day. What helped and what didn't. Playgroups were a challenge because he's an "in your face kind of person" add that to easily overstimulated, not enough sleep and that could easily spell disaster for him and everyone existing in his tumultuous wake. I would have to physically remove him to a quiet place so he could hear my requests. At times, he has exhausted everyone and eventually, over time, that takes a toll.

Now, even though things are calm - except for the police bringing him home last week - he likes and wants to always go to sleepovers and I have issues with that. He chooses homes with dysfunctional people - they don't influence me, I influence them - he claims. I can believe that, but my concern is with him being surrounded by soooo much dysfunction because know it can affect him, I've been witness.

I cannot rely on ANY parenting expert's advice because the advice I read about is directed towards the average child. Mitch is extraordinary, he is an outlier, so that kind of advice is moot. I have to recognize and validate my boundaries and well as those of my other children. I can't allow his needs to come first. I can validate his feelings, wants, and needs and show him how to cope or ask him to remove himself or physically remove him, but I cannot make his issues the focus because we all live here together.

So as I sit here being mindful of my eldest son, and he is occupying a lot of my mind today, I don't want him to have the sleepover he's been asking for and not relenting about (I rarely allow sleepovers at the best of times). It's at a house with dysfunctional people, a house that has been broken into recently by kids getting back at the kid living there, a house that's run down and neglected much like the people living there. Even though I know he's not afraid, I am. I believe it is unhealthy for him to stay the night and they will stay up all night and they will probably be out of the house for a lot of the time too.

I feel like I just got him back and I don't want to lose him again.....my head hurts.


Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life


Well, I've been afraid of changing cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too


~Dixie Chicks~

193.6

That's the number of pounds the Outer Self carries around while,

the Inner Self flits freely and lightly around.

The Inner and Outer Selves were aligned while running all those hours; they came together as equals crossing the finish lines.


Find the strength, courage, honesty and clarity to become detached from the rituals of tea and sweets, so that the Inner and Outer Selves can re-align once more.

Dear Self,

As shocking, disturbing and uncomfortable as these pictures may be, please visit them regularly as they will help you on your journey. Be kind and gentle to yourself and remember you really aren't as grumpy and sad as you look in your picture.

Lovingly, Me

The last of the mailbox days

Tonight is our last night of the mailbox. I totally detach from Christmastime on Boxing Day as that is when Christmas takes its leave. Everything comes down, and goes away. Only then, can I begin to declutter, and think of new ideas.

Monday night's Mailbox treat = individual packages of Ritz Crackers with cheese; Note = today we need to do the three things we haven't done from previous notes: hang the millet sprays(my husband couldn't find suet so he bought sprays - 6 of them that we can hang in the branches of the backyard trees); play Qwirkle; make Ditto Chocolate Dips! None of these things were done because other things like playing in the snow trumped them.

Tonight's (last one) Mailbox treat = Jolly Rancher candies; Note = It's Christmas Eve tonight and you get to open one present!

Monday's Mindful Moments

Being fairly new to blogging, I've begun to find some of the most creative, thought provoking, inspiring, motivating, interesting women while blog hopping; discovering and learning new ideas.

This is one of my most recent finds. While not feeling quite comfortable enough to post this on her site, I'm posting it here.

I've spent quite a bit of time thinking about a word for 2009. I have come to suspect that 2009 will be a year of "change" for us as we've tossed around the idea of selling our house and renting. It will also be the year that I have to contribute financially - it's time for me to earn money! I'd like my kids to be able to continue homeschooling while I'm earning money. This has led me to begin looking into foster care and if we do provide foster care then this will be more "change". While change is a good word to describe 2009, that's just it, it's more of a description and an outcome for the happenings. I decided to dig a little deeper.

I know it must be the year to look at my eating issues, my addiction to sweets. Again, another change, but that makes me think I must learn to "adapt" to the changes that will be taking place even though I don't really want to make these changes. Dig a little deeper and I realize more; I need to figure out how to deal with the changes. I questioned, "just how will I adapt to the changes?". I reflected for some time, became quiet enough for the answer to reveal itself in the word "detached".

Defined, detached is to be "free from emotional and intellectual involvement". This is clearly something that I am NOT. I am very attached to our lifestyle, our home, being free from schedules, eating my sweets while sipping my tea,....sigh. I need to research, most likely, through Buddhism, the act of becoming detached and the ritual I will need to learn to get me there. While heading down the simplicity path several years ago, I did a bit of reading on this topic, but that was a few years ago. Thinking of Naomi Aldort and her coined phrase, which I'm thinking it originates with Byron Katie, "who would I be without [fill in the blank]". Whenever I fill in the blank and really think about who I would be, the word free comes to my mind because I would essentially be free from emotional and intellectual involvement which is what it is to be "detached".

I've already found a starting place. There's a Law of Detachment that I've forgotten about. I need to do some more Byron Katie and Deepak Chopra reading next year.



This moment is as it should be. This moment is my teacher. If I struggle against this moment, I struggle against the flow of the universe.

~ I can't remember the author, but I had this taped to my cupboard when my kids were very little; the beginning of my simplicity journey. ~

More snow

As predicted the storm came. Owen got out the tape measure and claimed it was about 10cm that came last night, but snow continued throughout the day and added another 5cm. Will we get more? The icicles hanging from the streetlight, which were noticed and watched over yesterday, fell off sometime in the night. The kids want snow for Christmas Day.

They think the gingerbread house they made (put together) yesterday, was the best they've ever made. Owen thought to put icing in a medicine syringe and decorate with it. It was a great idea and worked well.


Mailbox treat = gum; Note = We'll make Ditto Chocolate Dips (a cookie bar).

Lucy's first haircut

Before



Before

After

After

Mailbox treat = Fruit Roll-Ups; Note: [tomorrow morning]It's the first day of winter and we'll hang the suet feeder in the backyard.

Taking daily stock of the weather

My kids regularly read the thermometer during the summer and winter. They are fascinated by the fluctuations in temperature. They watch and listen to weather reports and let me know what's to be expected. They ask if I think the weather reporters or meteorologists are right or do I think the weather will change or be different from what's expected; I give the questions right back to them which causes them to observe. They take rulers and measure the snow and then let me know its depth. They often inform me on the differences in the weather report compared to what is. We have a little thermometer by our front door, touching the concrete and leaning against the door, but I think it gives a faulty read because of the fact that it's touching the concrete. I'd like to look for a thermometer that we could attach to the side of the house. I must research thermometers and weather readers as I think it would be a worthwhile investment for my weather watchers.


Mailbox treat = fruit cups; Note: we'll make a gingerbread house (it's a kit!)

Trees

Visually, I find that they are as equally soothing and comforting as water. Reveries I experience while being in amongst trees, or even while viewing them through a window, parallel moments at the ocean or river. Even though these trees appear to be dancing, while I watch them from my window, I can see them shiver every now and again. My mind drifts to thoughts of all the creatures who are out there trying to find shelter. With my trees in view, my warmth inside is enhanced and much appreciated. I am grateful to be warm.



Mailbox treat = Gushers; Note = we'll learn how to play Qwirkle

An epoch

My first gift of the season came unwrapped in the form of an epoch.

As Shawn and I were just about to drive over the 5th Street Bridge on Monday evening after a few hours of shopping, the traffic began to slow and a city bus up ahead of us put on its hazard lights. Traffic flowing in the opposite direction was almost at a complete stop. A few drivers began to honk their horns impatiently, but through the car honks, I could recognize another honk, that of a majestic creature known as a Trumpeter Swan! I spotted the tips of its enormous wings flapping and my husband had thought it had possibly been hit by a car. We both wondered how it came to be walking on the bridge, that maybe it had flown onto the sidewalk and somehow became confused by the cars. Drivers did nothing to help it. Some kept honking and some tried to scare it by driving towards it. I couldn't bear to sit and watch. I hopped out of the van and ran up to the beautiful bird just as a man was approaching it as well. We both opened up are arms and created a winglike span, gathered around it and directed it off the bridge down a side street. As I gazed into the cygnet's eyes I could sense its fear and confusion. Being able to come that close to the grand, wild creature with a wingspan longer than I am tall, caused my heart to swell; I was in the presence of greatness.

Mailbox treat = Jello containers; Note = tonight Uncle John will be coming for dinner so you can help me plan our dinner and dessert, as well as, make the table all pretty with candles.

My information seeker

Here it is, missing the front cover. The Animal Atlas. I thought I had purged it during one of my de-cluttering rampages. This brings back so many memories for Mitch and me. We reminisced last week about how much he loved this book and how much he had it read to him. From the time he was two years old until he was about six this was his most cherished book. My mom remembers the times she would ask him to go find a book for her to read to him and every time he'd run off in search of this book. He wanted to know: what is that animal's name, where does he come from, what does he eat, who are its predators? This was how he learned his continents. He learned so much from this book. After this book came the bird book, another book my mother recalls reading.

He has had many passions that have lasted months or years; he became completely hyperfocused: animals, birds, sea life, reptiles, bugs, countries of the world, ancient times, medieval times, movies, video games, wars, wrestling, UFC, rappers and gangsters. I seriously worried for the past year and a half about his passion for gangsters and rappers, but he assured me it was like all his interests and obsessions of the past; he'll learn all he wants and then move on to something else. I spent many hours trying to figure out how to redirect this interest, but I couldn't.

I've always called him an information seeker, but after having a conversation with my mom in which she called him a researcher, I am beginning to think differently. I've been thinking a lot about Malcolm Gladwell's book called Outliers. I haven't read it yet, but I've watched him in an interview. The book's premise is that people who become highly successful with sustained success, have amoung other things, spent 10,000 hours working on their passion. I think he's making a point that these are not "gifted" people as they have put in much time, amoung other factors, to get where they are. Some of the people who are perceived as talented or gifted, are that way because they've spent a lot of time working on their passion. These are the people who lie outside the average clump or grouping on a scale or graph. If I were to to make and estimated guess, Mitch has probably spent 7,000 hours on researching species. I wonder if he'll return to his former passion? I wonder if he'll become some sort of researcher? I used to tell him when he was little, and wanted to go to Africa to see all of the animals, that when he became a man and went to work for National Geographic, that I would go along as his assistant and carry his bags of books and cameras.

Mailbox treat = Pringles chips, mini Spite pop can and popcorn topper spice; Note = we'll rent new releases(rent one and get one free) and make popcorn with topper

Monday's Mindful Moments

There is much on my mind today. It's actually Tuesday and as I've come to edit this post, I find I have too much I want to include. This post will actually be three key thoughts in one lengthy post!

• A great big thank you to Robert and Florence Filberg for their donation of their spectacular nine acre, waterfront property and home to our community! This park is one of my favourite places to spend time. I used to bring my kids to this park's petting zoo every summer when they were little. The gingerbread display was set up in the Filberg Lodge which was once their home from 1929-1977. It's beautiful rustic interior is warm and inviting. My favourite room is the "breakfast room" located off of the dining room. If I were to have been so fortunate to live in such a place, I'm sure I could have been found sitting with my tea, in that room, several times a day, gazing out at the ocean and wildlife. There were many gingerbread houses that were creatively made and decorated. We were allowed to vote for our favourite houses.

I liked this one the best.

This lighthouse was a very close second.

• I am a huge fan of Anne of Green Gables (I own all three on VHS) and last night the prequel was on TV. I read the first book of the series to my kids about six years ago and then we watched the movie. Sometime soon after that, we watched the other two. The first movie was very close to the book. The actors were superb as was the cinematography. Having watched the prequel and finding out that a lot of what I had known about Anne's plight wasn't entirely true, deeply saddens me. The scene where she and Marilla are filmed from behind walking down the dirt road, holding hands now takes on a different meaning for me. In fact, much of the trilogy is now different somehow. I haven't fallen into the "depths of despair" about it, but I feel like I'm close to the edge. I'm shattered. I tried to tape it, but the tape was old and it didn't record well enough to watch. I'm going to buy the movie if it becomes available for sale, then have an Anne marathon and maybe I'll feel better. I'm wondering if it was the film writers who wrote it that way or if it was Lucy Maude Montgomery as I've never read any of the other books in the series so I don't know?

• Some Myths and Half-Truths - From a woman who is passionate about and greatly intrigued by social behaviour and social science.

1. Balance ~ This is something I keep hearing time and time again. Trying to find "balance" with life (family, career, extended family, interests, hobbies, exercise and everything else that is a part of life) is a myth. It's a myth because individual lives are always in a state of change. Someone's balance is another's imbalance. There are always factors that can throw a day, any day, everyday completely out of balance. Expectations and perceptions come in to play here. Balance is in the eyes of the beholder.


2. Quality Time ~ Another good myth. Any time is time together and what might be perceived as "quality" by one person might be seen as boring or a bother by another. Just being together is all that's required.


3. Perfection ~ Here's a half-truth. Yes, there is something called perfection, but this too is in the eyes of the beholder. Self-imposed expectations surface with perfection and the setting of the bar is an individual perception too. I had a perfect week with my eldest son. He was home sick all week, but our relationship was fabulous - to me. Another might think - how can she think it's perfect because her kid is on academic probation so he must be a trouble maker - he's a bright kid and the grades are subjective and in accordance to learning outcomes only. We worked on his project together and had a wonderful time discussing the subject. No letter grade is going to make my experience over the week anything less than perfect. My house isn't clean, it's organized and uncluttered(most of the time), but that's what I need in order to function and it's my perfect. Walking into woman's house which smells of bleach is "way over the top" clean for me, but maybe that's her perfect.


4. Well-Rounded ~ This term just makes me feel sick! Who the hell came up with this one?Exposing your kids to many experiences will make them a well-rounded person - barf! Who deems which activities and how many will make for a well-rounded person? This term is the epitome of someone else's perfection and I want nothing to do with it!

Mailbox treat = Dunkaroos; Note = we'll make ginger cookies for Dad today - he was reminded of these cookies while at the display of gingerbread houses.

Most of the change we think we see in life is due to truths being in and out of favor.

~Robert Frost~

Thoughtful girl

I was just thinking today, that when Mackenzie, Hanna and their friend Laura walked to Tim Horton's for lunch yesterday they stopped off at Pharmasave and Mackenzie bought gifts for me and her dad; she had them gift wrapped at the store. How cute!

• Mailbox - Ritz Bits with cheese. Note: "we're going to the Filberg Center to see the gingerbread houses on display".

Mailbox

I started this tradition about four years ago which is a countdown for twelve days until Christmas Eve day. We set up our tree on December 12th and put out the mailbox which gets filled that night. It's a simple little mailbox that my mom gave me after she had received it with a gift inside. It used to have a flag on it, but it broke so Owen made a new one. They like me to put the flag on when it has been filled and then the person opening it, in the morning, takes the flag off. The kids alternate days for opening the mailbox for a total of twelve days which means each of the three younger kids gets to open it four times. Mitch sleeps late and is no longer excited to open the mailbox, but enjoys getting the treat.

At night, I put a treat inside the mailbox along with a little note that has something fun written on it. Friday night I put four gum packs inside it and a note that read "there's something else behind a pillow close by". Owen did the hot and cold game until he found the pillow with the surprise hiding behind it: Fruit Loops! Tonight it's four orange Tic Tac packs with a note that reads "you can open your cards from ?". Their Nana mails cards to them every year so they get to open their cards from her. It's a fun and simple tradition of which they'll hopefully have fond memories.

Hanna's snowgirl

• First snowfall - first snowday - kids play
• The tree is up and getting decorated
• Christmas music playing
• Mackenzie goes to the dentist
• I shop for the mailbox treats
• Mailbox is on the table

Monday's Mindful Moments

After having a pretty crappy week, I've given much consideration to and reflected upon the subject of hormonal fluctuations. I believe that every few months I'm hit quite hard with lots of cramping, acne, headaches(that last two or three days), back and neck aches and let's just throw in one gigantic mood alteration! During this time something called "self-doubt" creeps its way into my head and I question all that I know(or I think I know) to be true. This is the time when I should not attempt anything at all. I should book the week off and have a movie marathon because, truly, nothing makes sense and I end up being completely reactive: "I don't know why my kids are home they should be at school!" and "Why didn't I make them stay when they went for three weeks in September!"; "I should be out there working or having some kind of career!"; "I'm such a freak, living a freakish life!"

That ugly week has now passed and I am calm again. Earlier in the week Mackenzie had said to me at night, "I wonder what things would be like if I had stayed in school, I like it better at home, but sometimes I think maybe I would have liked it better at school". I never know what to do with statements like this. It was a bad week and this statement had me crying off and on all that night and the next day because the "self-doubt creeper" had me thinking, maybe she's right. I've always openly voiced my discord with public school, but I think I'd better shut up because what if my kids actually prefer school? What if they're not being as open with me because they already know my strong opinions and objections and they think they ought not say anything against what I think or believe?

I remember reading an article about adults who were once homeschoolers and they were asked what they thought about their experience of being homeschooled; I vividly recall a comment one man made. He had fond memories of learning at home, but he also wished his parents didn't constantly state that their way of living was THE best way. Always hearing that from them made it very hard for him to want to learn of other ways or experience other ways to live which opposed his parents' ways. From recalling that article, I hope it reminds me to keep my strong opinions shut up in my head and just listen to my kids.


You say it best, when you say nothing at all.
~Alison Krauss~

It's all about the sound of music

An interesting way to amplify an MP3 player's sound. Wrap paper into cone shapes and attach the cones to the earplugs. If you start off making small cones and then increase the size of the cones you will also increase the sound, so Hanna informed me. Set up this way, Hanna can hear her music from her MP3 player pretty well in her bedroom. Who needs to spend extra money on plug-in sound stations when you can make these?

Monday's Mindful Moments

Over the years, I've thought a lot about that forward that gets sent around in emails. The one that asks "If you could invite anyone, living or dead, to dinner, who would you invite?". I think this is an interesting question because so much of life's profound questions could be answered during that one night, and if allowed, my dinner would go on all night.

I would start off by inviting George Stroumboulopoulos because I think he is the best interviewer I've ever watched. Interviews with him are very conversational and without judgement or bias. I was going to invite Oprah, but lately she's become far too opinionated during interviews and she interjects and judges( it comes off kind of enduring, but I don't buy it). Then I thought of Barbara Walters, but she's kind of rigid and old school. So I'm choosing George as I think I'd be too overwhelmed to converse and ask questions, so he could get the ball rolling for me and if need be, keep it going.

I would then, invite Jesus because I want to hear HIS story, not the one written about him, plus he could tell me when he was really born - I doubt it was December 25th. Then I'd pick Gandhi because I adore him and want to learn from him, although he may be too quiet and with little to say, but whatever he had to say, I'm sure it would be profound. Then, while sipping my tea and sitting by the wood burning fire that would be all aglow and crackling, I'd like to observe and listen to the conversations between these three men: Henry David Thoreau, Ralph Waldo Emerson and Bronson Alcott (yes, Louisa May's father) as they were all friends and influential forward thinkers of their time; they were part of the Transcendalists group, but I don't want the whole group, just the three. I would like to ask these people what they all think of Christmastime in the 21st century. I believe they would all be aghast and appalled. I would want Vincent Van Gogh there because he was so tormented with life and art. Oh and, Charles Dickens, is he as dark as his books(which I confess, I've watched most on BBC dvd's)? Jane Austen, loved all her books(again BBC dvd's), what is she like? Lucy Maude Montgomery - love Anne - what's Lucy like? Susanna Moodie and Catharine Parr Traill because I'd like to know if their experience moving to and living in Canada's back woods were rough and painful because they very much were at that time or did they experience severe and hard times because they came from middle-class Britain. Lastly, my foremothers: my mother, my mother's mother and my mother's mother's mother, I want to hear their stories.

Well, I've invited too many people and I think, this so-called dinner may have to continue on into the next day and we'd all have brunch together. Thank you to all of my dinner guests, if only you all could make it!

A single conversation across the table with a wise person is worth a month's study of books.
~Chinese Proverbs~

Go fish

Hopefully the "catch of the day" is learning. I've bought a lot of games over the past few years. I'm annoyed at myself because too many of them we have never played. A few years ago I went to hear Catherine Levison speak about A Charlotte Mason Education, an education philosophy that I love. While at this one day event, she spoke about a few games which I decided I must buy. These games were: The Garden Game - we played it a few times and found it to be a little boring, but we'll give it another try before giving up; Atlas in a Box, but I couldn't find it anywhere, so I bought Take Off instead - which we haven't played yet; Go Fish for Art - we played this last night, a quicker version than the one recommended. I could see how it might be hard for Owen, given the names of the paintings and the names of the artists are difficult to read and pronounce. The artist's sets do have their own number to go by though (all of Van Gogh's paintings are number 4) which helped and we chose to play by calling out the numbers instead of the artist's name. We did try to pronounce some of the names and we spent some time talking about the paintings.

I ordered the Go Fish for Art from Birdcage Press and when I ordered those card sets I also ordered Old Mummy and Old Dinosaur. These card games can be played in the Old Maid fashion as well as Go Fish or Concentration. All the of the Birdcage Press cards have wonderful pictures and are thick and durable. Birdcage looks like they have some new cards now...do I dare buy more? We played two games of Old Maid using each of the "Old" sets and a couple of games of Go Fish using the Birds of North America cards, which are just regular playing cards that we bought from the Nature House at Miracle Beach with a different bird on each card. All of the examining of these cards with their pretty pictures and interesting information led to lengthy games being played. By the time we got to Go Fish for Art, I was pretty played out so we just played a quick game. These cards are all great fun and good quality, perhaps they get used more often.

My giggly girls

It was only four years ago that you were eight,

I miss those days.

Today you turn twelve,
I wish time could stand still.

Math angst

For the past seven years, I've always thought I would find THE math program and stick with it all the way through, but I haven't found it yet. We are getting very textbook bored of math. Over the years we've gone from the public school textbook to Singapore Math to Math U See to Saxon Math to the Key to Series. It's a lot of different math to try.

I really liked Singapore, but found there wasn't enough of an explanation of the concepts, however the lessons were short and sweet. In Math U See, for most of my kids, it was too much of one thing over and over again, nice manipulative blocks though. Saxon has great explanations, but too many questions and there's no workbook. In the Key to Series it has clear explanations, the pages aren't too overwhelming and it's a workbook. All in all, I like the Key to Series and my kids seem to like it so far, but again, each little workbook is on one concept. Right now, we are using the Key to Series and Saxon, but I wish there was some magic program out there that explained the concepts well, had a, fill in the answers, workbook, had a reasonable amount of questions, review of other concepts and was FUN.

I've looked into Teaching Textbooks and must find out from other kids, what they think of the computer math program. I think it was designed and developed by a couple of homeschooled brothers who went to Harvard(?). The kids can use a scrap piece of paper to work out the problem and then plunk their answer into the question on the computer. I came across Hands-on Equations while on another blog, it's a hands-on tool for learning algebra and it looks fun.

I guess we'll keep on using the Key to Fractions workbooks and Key to Algebra workbooks plus look at other concepts in Saxon for a while. Maybe I'll order the Hands-on Equations, because I know Owen would really like it as he is a hands-on kind of guy. In the late spring, I might consider using the Teaching Textbooks Algebra for the girls, maybe it will be THE math program. Apparently, this lady thinks there is no "one" math program, but her kids seem to enjoy the Teaching Textbooks, so I'm hopeful.

I just found this about "The Life of Fred" math books and copied it here, I wonder what these books are like:


"The Life of Fred books are self-teaching. Parents are encouraged NOT to teach the material. Here's why: I believe that English and reading are more important that mathematics (and I have a Ph.D. in math!) Increasingly, as the children go through their years of elementary school, high school, and college, they learn by reading more than by lectures. In kindergarten, virtually everything they learn is from the teacher's mouth. By graduate school, sitting around in seminars discussing what you have read becomes normative. And after college, the graduate faces 40 or more years in which virtually everything of importance that is learned is from reading---not from the Discovery Channel on television. Children are human. They seek labor-saving approaches to life. When reading in any math book, when they hit something they don't understand, they immediate choice is to cry from help from mama. And mama comes running (it's hard-wired into our species) and "helps" the little one. And this has several negative effects: (1) It teaches the child to whine (which can drive parents crazy) and (2) The child never learns to read in order to understand. If the parent says, "Dr. Schmidt says that I'm not supposed to help you," the child will go back and re-read the passage a second time--at a slower speed--and will find it understandable. The Life of Fred books are clear if they're not read at the same speed you read comic books. I have told parents that if the child still can't understand the material, they can phone me! I've had about five or six calls over the last half dozen years."

Monday's Mindful Moments

Free Range Children

I once read an article with this very title. Its premise was that parents need to stop hovering and just allow kids to be free. There's way too much emphasis on safety, especially when kids are exploring the outdoors and playing actively. In a book called Hyper-Parenting its writer shares the same philosophy as the Free Range article writer. Helicopter parents are over-booking, over-planning, over-scheduling their kid's lives. One of the myriad of reasons my kids learn at home, is so they can have "freedoms to choose with their learning and living" without the pressures of teachers; the homework piled high upon them; the principal with rules and regulations; a bell ringing - Pavlovian conditioning; a classroom schedule to restrict them all day. To main steam, these issues are probably perceived as innocuous. For some, they will come away unscathed, but for others, they will live with and try to overcome the trauma they experienced while attending school. It saddens me when I see so many kids under intense stress, pressure and scrutiny from authority figures and parents. Two of my greatest pet peeves are feeling pressured and rushed. I can't imagine what it would be like to have someone always hovering, pressuring and rushing me.

I came across this bit of a booklet on a blog. Just one entry, but a lengthy one. It summarizes well, some of my feelings on restricting kids and school. I don't agree with everything he writes about, but its a good look into the some of the "why's" that make learning at home a preferred lifestyle. I am comforted and thrilled when I find a like-minded person, as I know I am somewhat radical in my thinking when compared to main stream, albeit I'm not a radical unschooler. I couldn't be, because I am of the opinion that when kids are given freedom with all aspects of their lives that it may lead to a certain degree of narcissism. After watching a CBC report on "Rude: Where Have All Our Manners Gone", I can see (but was already fully aware) that common courtesy and consideration for others is lacking in our society. Many in society are self-consumed which makes for VERY high maintenance people. I want what I want, and I want it right now and to hell with anyone else. I certainly don't mean this in the context of - worrying about what others think, I mean it in the context of - think about how others might be feeling - every action has a consequence. Everyone has needs and I think everyone should be able to be respected, but unfortunately someone, at some point, will have to bend a little because some people's needs are sometimes way more intense and overt than other's; there has to be some give and take in a family or any relationship. An example of this might be when someone is having a full blown, fall on the floor, screaming tantrum. Why should everyone else be subjected to that person's pain/anger. I think if the person needs to be loud and carry on then they need to do that in another room so everyone else doesn't have feel it as well. It's this type of situation that leads me to believe that when a person's needs are freely allowed to be infringing on another person to this degree, then this is one of many attributes in the making/creating of narcissism. So caught up in self-serving and self-love that no one else matters. Some people are extremely intuitive, observant and have an innate awareness of others. Some people NEED to be taught these skills.

I take some of the philosophies of unschooling into our lives such as, I don't have a set curriculum in which I follow. Every day takes on its on flow with a few added things that I like to get done such as reading together ( we usually have a fiction and non-fiction on the go); I like my kids doing some kind of math; we usually have something to watch whether it's a fiction or a non-fiction DVD. With that description of our day, I cannot call myself a radical unschooler so I use the term eclectic as it is a far better description of our family's lifestyle. And it's a lifestyle that I cherish. Will my kids look back and feel this way when they're adults? I don't know the answer to that, but I am fully aware that as a parent any decision made while the kids are young can be brought back when they are adults and be completely refuted. For now, this is my lifestyle of choice, it's simple, relaxed, enjoyable, fulfilling, and meaningful......hmmm kind of self-serving....gee, maybe I'm narcissistic?


Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson~

An afternoon up the mountain with Dad

A spectacular view! Icicle picking!

An interesting addition to the fridge

In the morning, following the night before when the fridge had been cleaned out, this is what I found stuck to the fridge. It appears that Hanna had some grave concerns for all of us!

Science

Both of my boys have a love of science. For Mitch it was mostly nature science, but with Owen it's everything and anything hands on. We had science club on Friday and I woke up, with a sore neck and shoulder, to a blustery, stormy and miserable day. One that made me think that if it were not for science club I'd go back to my bed and my kids and I could snuggle up and watch BBC's David Copperfield, after all, that would tie in nicely with the subject of child labour and the Industrial Revolution that we've been reading about and discussing. I had seriously planned on quitting science club and yesterday was going to be my last day. I really didn't think there was enough value versus output. But, alas, science club arrived at my house and each family took turns demonstrating different aspects of water: phases of matter - solid, liquid, gas - ice cube in the frying pan; egg floats in salt water, sinks in unsalted water, Archimedes' Principle of Buoyancy ("Eureka!") - clever, clever man (we read and enjoyed Archimedes and the Door of Science a couple of years ago); density of water at different temperatures; how salt mixes with water. While all of these hands-on type of presentations were occurring, I could see, plain as plain, that Owen is passionate about science and thrilled with science club. I cannot quit.

Today, my little scientist decided to copy something he had once seen in a book. He drew and coloured a race track and race car, then taped a paper clip on the back of the car and pulled it around the race track with a magnet taped to some pencils. It took him around two hours from start to finish as he was hunting all around to find what he needed then: he taped four pieces of paper together to make a large paper on which to draw and colour the track; he put a lot of detail into drawing and colouring the race car; he found a variety of magnets and tried all of them until he figured out which one worked the best; he wanted to have something long to attach the magnet to, so he taped some pencils together. He was very pleased with the finished product.

Lunch with Nana

My kids have had lunch dates with their nana many times over the past few years. Mackenzie decided that it had been a while since she had lunch with Nana and she would like phone her (on the cordless phone) to make a lunch date. I'm always a little concerned when my kids want to make plans with other people, my concern lies with the other person and their potential awkwardness with my child's request. Now, I know that concern needs to be removed and the situation needs to be addressed by the two people involved. I do however, think it's important to teach my children common courtesy and tact. I think it's important that they learn to have some forethought about others and have an awareness of what others might be experiencing. I suggested to Mackenzie that Nana's been pretty busy this week and perhaps she may not be able to go out until next week. I asked Mackenzie who would be paying for her lunch and she claimed she still had some spending money and could pay for her own lunch. With these details determined, she made the call. They will be having lunch on Friday and Nana will treat as she too had been thinking about going out for a lunch date. Nana asked Mackenzie if she wanted Hanna to come along or would she prefer to go alone. Mackenzie chose alone. As a twin, it's not very often that the opportunity to go "alone" arises.

I reminded Mackenzie that we have science club on Friday, but she much prefers going out for lunch with Nana. I suspect there will be a lot of learning going on while she's out for lunch. Who am I to determine whether she would learn more at science club or learn more going out with Nana. Nana always has great stories to tell, an interesting perspective on subjects and desire to spend time together. Mackenzie has also taken an interest in cooking and will enjoy reading the menu and picking something interesting. She'll also enjoy figuring out how the food was assembled as they will be eating Mexican food.

A cordless phone

So the story goes......I never wanted a cordless phone because telephones complicated my life. After choosing a simpler way of living, I had to determine that which complicated my life and that which enhanced my life. Having four little kids meant having to remove all that would distract me, overwhelm me or overstimulate me while in the midst of daily living. I wasn't always mindful of what exactly those elements were, but I did know that the phone was one element that severely complicated my life.

When there are four little kids vying for your attention it's challenging when the phone rings and you choose to talk on the phone instead of dealing with the needs of your kids. Here's the visual of my little kids at the time, the eldest, who was, at time and still can be, a "more" child (more loud, more sensitive, more relentless, more intense, more active, etc.) with very high needs, twin toddlers(at times, going in different directions) and a bucket baby(content in the car seat on the floor) or sometimes a backpack baby(didn't want to be left alone). All that going on, then the phone rings......argggh. So I would let the answering machine take the calls, almost always, then I'd return calls when I could. I upset a lot of people by living this way. If I could have a do-over in this area, would I change my decision and answer the phone? - no.

Now my kids are (almost) ten and up. I still let the machine take calls or I turn off the phone. Our answering machine recently broke, it was a good one which saw us through at least fifteen years. For a couple of weeks we weren't able to take messages, does that bother me? - no. My mom bought us a cordless phone last week and it's been well received as we've had a land line for many years. My three younger kids have figured out everything the phone does because they've read the manual many times. They have all the phone numbers in the "phone book" of the phone, Mackenzie(?) recorded the outgoing message, they plugged both(it came with two phones) of them in and knew it would take seven hours to charge, they found out how to find the phones if the phones get lost, they told me that a headset could be attached to the phone, and so much more. I'm glad they learned all this, because I hate reading instructions, I'd much rather watch and then do. I will learn from my kids.

I am going to simplify my life with a cordless phone by getting a headset so I can cook, do laundry, wash dishes all while talking on the phone without having to strain my neck. I do like to give conversations my full attention and I do become easily overwhelmed and overstimulated with too much going on at the same time. I prefer to do a task with my full attention, it's more meaningful to me, no matter what it is. So, I will still turn off my phone when I need to and I will get a headset to enhance my life's experience while using a cordless phone.

Monday's Mindful Moments

Once upon a time, while surrounded by four wee little children, a woman, whom very nearly lost her mind, most gratefully found solace in a cup of tea.

I can't remember when I started drinking tea, but I'm almost certain it was when I began having kids. Maybe it was when I used to take my eldest, whom would have been two at the time, to a little play group called the Tot Stop. It was there that I made many connections with other women (moms) and started feeling that the island was my home.

Tea is very ritualistic. Get the teapot nice and hot with tap water or a bit of boiling water; boil some water; empty teapot of hot water; add tea bag(or loose tea) to teapot; pour in boiling water; let it steep for about four minutes; add cream to favourite cup(used to add sugar, but gave that up!); pour hot steaming tea into favourite cup then find a place in the house to have my "tea break".

I remember reading Angela's Ashes (one of my favourite books) and Frank McCourt writes about his mother drinking tea. When she went to America she was shocked that the tea was in a bag, as she had only known tea in loose form and there was no way that tea in a bag was going to provide a "good" cup of tea. Tea seemed to bring her comfort and got her through a lot of tough times.

There are many tea shoppes around. They all seem to have some kind of theme, some are Zen-like, some are trendy and chic and some are Oriental. Although, they all have similarities of
ritual and slowing down, I much prefer the British style tea. I like the tea cups and saucers which have a simple floral theme in bright colours. I like the little tea leaf scoop that reads "a perfect cup". I like the little sieve placed over the tea cup to catch the loose tea. I like the tea and scones with whipped cream. I like the three tiered dessert stands. I like the little sandwiches with the crusts cut off. I like the tea service all on a tea tray. Tea brings soothing calmness.


There are a few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea.
~Henry James~

The many faces of Hanna

Hot cereal

We've enjoyed oatmeal and Cream of Wheat over the years with some people preferring one over the other. Recently, I bought Scottish oatmeal and steel cut oats also known as Irish oatmeal. I bought the Bob's Red Mill brand from Quality Foods. I've always admired this brand, so I thought it time to give it a try. The kids tried both kinds as did I, and we enjoyed them for their different properties: the Irish for its nice little chunks which were a bit chewy; the Scottish for its smooth, rich texture. Overall, they were more enjoyable than regular oatmeal of which I'm not a big fan. With the days getting colder, hot cereal makes for a cozy breakfast.

Being that it is nearly halfway between fall and winter, I heard the honking of the trumpeter swans the other night and again the next morning. They are on their way here for the winter and to hunker down in Farqhuarson Farm until around February, I think, at which time they leave for their other favourite place in the far north. These birds are Canada's largest waterfowl and are a marvelous sight (and sound) when flying in formation across the sky.

I've come across, my husband's, Uncle Tom's delightful wildlife books and activity books again. I came across them when I was trying to find books about salmon. I must say these books have not been bragged about enough in our family. I believe Tom used a black fine tipped felt pen or black ink pen because all of the pictures and text are black ink looking. These books are not busy with all kinds of stuff written in margins, they have straight forward, short write-ups with hand drawn pictures of each species. I know that these books were, at one time, available at ABC Books, but the last time I was there, I didn't see them. I've seen them on the ferries and at The Bay. Some of the books and activity books can be viewed at Heritage House Publishing: Wildlife of Western Canada; Wildlife Activity Books and Critters for Kids all by Tom Hunter.

Our little painting place

Finally, I decided to get out the art easel that I bought three years ago! I set up a little painting area in the kitchen. I had thought I had bought a standing easel that would need assembly, but as it turned out, it was a table top, portable and compact easel. It has a little drawer in which to store supplies, but we can't get the drawer open. Upon reflection, I must have purchased this small easel for a couple of reasons: it's size and portability. I was probably thinking about taking it camping or on nature walks. I'm glad that I chose this one over the standing one.

In the table upon which I've put the easel, I have three baskets: one containing canvases, wood paint palate, acrylic paints, a bamboo mat that rolls up for acrylic paintbrush storage; another basket which will hold watercolour paper and card stock; the last basket holds watercolour brushes, plastic paint palates, watercolour pencils and paints.

When I took out the box of painting supplies it made me think about the watercolour paintings my kids made while taking an art class with a local artist. I decided since I've had picture frames also sitting in my closet, along the supplies, it was time to frame the paintings and put them on the wall. I thought it would be nice to hang their paintings on the wall of our little painting place. I love the colours of these paintings and it's a complete joy to have them hanging on the wall in a place where I can view them daily.

With the bringing out of nature journals and nature journal instruction books, came the desire of nature drawing by Owen and Hanna. They wanted to draw salmon after having been at the fish hatchery. Hanna has a great love of drawing and art. I have been witness to her experiencing Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's concept of "flow". Flow is experienced when you are being completely engaged and consumed in something you are doing, to the point that nothing seems to distract you; you lose your sense of awareness of all else. It is a concept that is greatly appreciated in an unschooling context. It is something like being in "the zone" as runners have written about, which I have experienced on lengthy (over an hour) runs. I read "Finding Flow: The Psychology of Engagement with Everyday Life" years ago when I began homeschooling my kids as I was searching for new ideas about learning and I appreciate his thoughts on this concept. I do firmly believe that this is when learning is in an optimum state. I have caught glimpses of Hanna experiencing "flow" through avenues of creativity like drawing and painting; Owen, through drawing, crafting, and building. Mackenzie also through creativity, reading and moments while playing sports; primarily basketball.

Keeping this blog helps me to live deliberately, I think about stuff I haven't done and I do it; I think about how I want to live and I start living. As my kids have an abundance of creativity, I will start being their guide(when asked), offer support(when asked), and have available as many tools as I am able to provide, for them to express themselves creatively.

If you don't like something, change it. If you don't change it, change your attitude.

~Maya Angelou~

Monday's Mindful Moments

The bluebird carries the sky on his back.

~Henry David Thoreau~

The stellar's jay is the official bird of British Columbia. Its magnificent color astounds me. I've been woken up several times this month to the intense discussions of the stellar's jays in my backyard. I've always enjoyed nature and its peaceful, serene tranquility and then I heard how very loud nature can be when we were camping at Cluxewe Campground three years ago. The stellar's jays were in fine form squawking away. Along with the birds, there was a chipmunk up in the trees chattering, screeching and eating the seeds in cones and then dropping the cones to the ground at a great pace with a loud thud every time. There were ravens and eagles amass. The nature was overwhelmingly spectacular as was the location of the campground. We only stayed one night, but wow, what memories we have of that road trip to the northern part of the island.

Henry David Thoreau is a true simplicity icon. I haven't read all of "Walden", but I think it's a book to which I will always be going back and forth. I started on my simplicity journey about seven or eight years ago and I don't recall the exact precursor or impetus to my journey, but it may have been one particularly hard year. It was a pivotal moment for my mind, and an extraordinary moment for my soul. That was when I jumped off the treadmill and starting going against the grain. Homeschooling became part of my new lifestyle as did removing myself from a hectic life of trivial commitments. A fun little picture book that gives an introduction to Thoreau is "Henry Hikes to Fitchburg".

There have been many times where I've lost my focus and I've had to re-read some of the important books that have helped shaped me. It seems I always come back to a wonderful book called "The Circle of Simplicity" by Cecile Andrews, this book grounds me. She had another book published in 2006 which I just picked up from the library called "Slow is Beautiful". Another book which resonated with me is called "Plain and Simple: A Woman's Journey to the Amish". It was amazing to hear about these simple, quiet, and peaceful people who live such a plain life with the only the basics. The Quakers, or "the friends" as they're also known, are very similar in their lifestyle. Elaine St. James writes a concise and straightforward little book called "Living the Simple Life". There are so many books out there on this subject and new ones being written all the time. I often check the library for what's new.

We've take this season off (and will probably take the winter off as well) from doing any lessons as I would prefer to use the time in another way. I had hoped we would spend the time playing games, getting out in nature, being creative, reading wonderful books and watching outstanding films together. I figure, if we can begin Mondays by reflecting and then take a bit of time to make a plan for the week to, hopefully, include at least two or three of these activities every day or so, then I will be quite content and fulfilled.

I've always wanted to try to begin Mondays (actually every day for that matter)with a meditative, contemplative or reflective moment with my kids. Being grateful, and mindful in the moment that is before us, giving pause to what is. For it is when we are quiet that we hear the inner voice and we become enlightened. Unfortunately, this didn't transpire today, we were able to participate in a field trip to the fish hatchery. We've been there many times to watch them take eggs and add the milt, but this time they went a little further and performed a dissection of the salmon. I suppose we will try again tomorrow to take a moment, after all, it is timely, it's Remembrance Day.

Simple machines

Today was science club at our house. My kids love these get-togethers, however I get a little stressed trying to figure out what our part is going to be and how it will relate to the topic. The topic for this gathering was simple machines. Our family was responsible for the screw/inclined plane. We had a little display to show the different possibilities of inclined planes as seen on a screw, corkscrew and winding a triangle piece of paper around a pencil all of which demonstrate this idea. We also had a piece of fish tank hose wound around and taped to two cans which were duct taped together(for added height) then we placed this structure into green coloured water. When we turned it around while on a slant, it demonstrated how the simple machine - inclined plane -makes it easier to move something with very little effort on the person operating the machine.

Other demonstrations included: gears, pulleys and a wooden model trebuchet(something like this) or catapult like device. One family brought a k'nex gears and cranks tub which was a fun way to build some simple machines. Another family made a homemade pulley device which was used to try and pull a person up off the ground while lying down. It took me a while to realize that the cake a mom brought was shaped as two gears put together....very fun.

After we let off the cola geyser in the front yard, some of the kids watched Bill Nye the Science Guy "Simple Machines".

Monday's Mindful Moments on a Wednesday

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts.

With our thoughts, we make the world.

~Buddha~

Intolerance is itself a form of violence and an obstacle

to the growth of a true democratic spirit.

~Ghandi~

As it has been seen everywhere, and constantly discussed, the results of the American election: Obama will lead with a majority senate. I firmly believe that this man will turn America around. I feel hopeful for the American people, that a day is on the horizon when they will no longer collectively be perceived and hated as the spoiled bullies and evil power mongers they are seen to be worldwide. This perception nags at me because, really, it's the government and its administration that gives this view to others. It's not the average person living in small town America spending time with their family, trying to live their lives. We're all just citizens of countries with judgements placed on us based on our governments and their doings; it's one of those pandemic generalizations.

I am 42 years old and I unabashedly admit that I have never voted. I am an American by birth and a Canadian by growth. In short, I've lived here almost all of my life. I have never figured out how to register to vote as an American nor have I ever looked into the possibility of voting in any of the Canadian elections. Apathy, I'm guilty of it. However, this would have been an election in which to participate. I am thrilled and elated with the outcome. I even teared up listening to Obama's moving speech. History in the making, but not everyone feels this way.

It amazes me that some conservative people, in the political sense, aren't even slightly moved by this event. I get goosebumps thinking that around 130 years ago black people in America were slaves and now a black man is president. I say that's progress, but on reflection it has taken way too long to get to this point. I've heard comments from some people, in which they state, that they think some people voted for him just because he's a black man - probably true, but come on just listen to his delivery of speeches and where he stands on issues. To me, he has a true understanding of "people", he has compassion, empathy, honesty and true desire to make America a better place. He's a civil rights activist in a leadership role. He's riding on the shoulders of such giants as Jesus, Ghandi and Martin Luther King, all of whom were outstanding and equally riveting civil rights activists. In time, I think we'll see progress for the "human" race through his leadership.

The prejudice that goes on for the black community in America is not unlike the prejudice that goes on for Indians, native and eastern, but especially native, in Canada. Where is the compassion, empathy, patience and tolerance for these races and the plight of their generations past? The comments that I've heard over the years, directed towards the people of these races - sickens me and infuriates me. Why can't ignorant people become better educated, respectful, patient and tolerant. Hate is a learned behaviour as is tolerance and understanding, all of which are primarily learned in the home.

After reading several fact-based fiction books to my kids that relate to this subject, I have seriously felt the pain of the characters in these books. Maybe that's it, to be empathetic is to be able to, not only, identify, but to actually feel another's pain through their stories. To clearly understand another we must go back before we can go forward. That is to say, we need to learn through history before we can move through the present and then into the future.

Not to, in any way, minimize the horrific events that anyone has experienced but I am reminded of this type of scenario - someone having never experienced back pain or a headache (yes, there are people who have never had headaches!) to say "I don't know what so-in-so is complaining about, it's just a headache/backache, they should just take a pill and stop whining". Then one day it's their turn to experience it."Oh, my back I can't believe I dismissed so-in-so's pain like that because now, I get it." All I can think is: For humankind, please, we must try harder to get it. We need to think before speaking, EVERY action has a consequence. Before judging, then speaking, think of these phrases that I've personally heard Naomi Aldort use...."Do I know it to be true?" and "Who would I be without that judgement?".

Some really good books, to read aloud to older kids, which give a greater understanding of what people have experienced and may likely become a launch pad into invaluable conversations: Roar of Thunder, Hear My Cry; Underground to Canada; Indian Captive; The Endless Steppe. A couple of movies I can recall: The Story of Ruby Bridges; The Rabbit Proof Fence. A nice picture book is A River Ran Wild. I'm sure we've read or watched others that were really good, but I can't think of them. A great site to visit is: teach with movies, here they will break down the movies into categories of: age appropriateness, values taught, character skills and more. I've used this site often to form my lists of "must see" movies for the school year.